BANK ROBBER

Coming down the street, in my chevrolet tank
gonna rob, the first national bank
here I come, close the bank
believe me you, this ain't no prank

Well I hope I don't have to tell'er
I'm a nasty feller
a bank robber who got his sights on you

I'm a thief with true belief
I'm the man with the plan
gonna get all the money honey
that's in my reach
Cover those cameras, fill up my sack
put your hands up in the air
cause I'm back

 

PIECE OF MEAT IN THE TANG

There's a piece of meat in the Tang!

My dad felt kinda thirsty
he thought he'd have some tang
he said, "Someone's gonna hang!
There's a piece of meat in my Tang!"

We saw it floating 'round at the bottom
we didn't know what it was
My dad said, "What's that thang?
Floating around in my tang?"

My dad reached for the pitcher
my mom said, "That's Tang."
My dad said, "I know."

There's a piece of meat in the Tang (3x)
and I don't give a dang,
cause I don't like Tang!

 

GARAGE BAND

"Hey dad, would you mind leaving the car out of the garage tonight? The boys in the band are coming over."

"What boys?"

 

BEING A GREAT GUY

When I'm being an idiot, I'm being a great guy
and when I'm wearing an oven mitt
I'm being a great guy

Being a great guy, being a great guy
there's nothing to it, I'm gonna do it
being a great guy

When I'm watching Looney Tunes
I'm being a great guy
and when I'm watching Silver Spoons
I'm being a great guy
When I'm using common sense
I'm being a great guy
and when I've been accused of impotence
I'm being a great guy

When I'm being an architect
I'm being a great guy
and when excessive consumption may cause laxative effect, I'm being a great guy

When I'm fishing on the Isle of Skye
and I said when I'm being a great guy,
I'm being a great guy!
When I'm drinking my Kool-aid
I'm being a great guy
and when I convert fahrenheit to centigrade
I'm being a great guy

 

DEPRESSION

When I get feeling this way
There's nothing that I can say
I just sit and stare cuz I feel lost
When no one or nothing can help
no matter what the cost
I keep looking forward, but I don't know why
It's all I can do to keep myself from starting to cry

Oh-oh-oh
It could be any day, it don't matter anyway
When you just sit and stare, when you feel lost
when no one or nothing can help
no matter what the cost
You say you don't know where to go
then how will you know where to go tomorrow?

Oh-oh-oh

 

MY PANTS GOT DICKED

My pants got dicked (3x)
and it makes me cry

Why oh why does it make me cry (2x)
why oh why-i-i-i-i

(repeat all twice)

 

BUY SOME FLOWERS FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND

Oh yeah, oh oh oh yeah

Buy some flowers, for your girlfriend

Flowers - for your girlfriend

 

LET MY SISTER GO TO KENNYWOOD

Let my sister go to Kennywood
You know you should
I want her away for the rest of the day
hey, I'll even pay, yay-hey-hey

 

QUICKSANDBOX

I'm playing in the sandbox!
Isn't this fun? I can make stuff, I can make sand castles...we're gonna play in the sandbox and it's gonna be a lot of fun!

I'm sinking!!
What?
I'm sinking!!
Oh my God! You're sinking, you're sinking in the sandbox, it's quicksand! Watch out!!
Save me! Save me!
I can't, I'm sinking in this quicksand!!
I gotta get out! Oh no, Mom, Dad help!
Oh no, we're gonna sink and we're gonna be dead! We can't get out!
You're stupid! We can't get out, we're gonna die!
You lost the guitar pick in the quicksand!
Oh no!

 

SHE'S WEARING BLACK

She's wearing black, she's wearing black again
and she'll wear black every day until she understands
she's wearing black, she's wearing black again
and she'll wear black everyday until I meet her demands

She's wearing black, black, black, hey hey hey

I don't know if I will ever see
It still remains a mystery
I don't even know if it's for sure, oh oh oh oh

She's wearing black, she's wearing black again
and she'll wear black everyday until I hold her hand

Yeah!

 

YOU CAN OWN YOUR OWN HOME WITHOUT EVEN BREAKING MY HEART

You got a feeling down deep in your gut
it's colder than a well digger's butt
easy as pie, hard as cake
you can't go through life without making mistakes
but you can own your own home without even breaking my heart

You're sick and tired of playing your part
but nothing's as good as a gift from the heart
your eyes are stunning, but not in Europe
your lies are running like maple syrup
you can't ride a horse til your foots in the stirrup

You work in a sleazy hole in the wall dive
where even a fake mustache feels good to be alive
ten dollars I spent, once I had paid
but it was the biggest waste of money I ever made

you know you can't help it when love hurts
but I can't help you if you're folding shirts
you talk to me til you're out of breath
but nothing brings people together like death

yeah when you own your own home without even breaking my arm

you know your days are numbered
you know your dreams are thinner
you know you're a sinner
so start saving money for my dinner
you know it can only hurt you
when consistency is a virtue

 

PLAY PUTTY

I lost my play putty, I threw it at a tree
now it's gone, it's somewhere on the lawn
I really threw it at my sister
but it kinda missed her

Please buy me some more play putty
It's all that makes my life worth living
More play putty...

I just got it today, but it's already gone away
I got it for free from the toys r us company
with a cupon from the back
of a box of apple jacks
where'd it go? Oh-o
I've looked everywhere and no one seems to care
Please buy me some more play putty
it's all that ever makes my life worth living for
more play putty, damnit!

OHHHHHHHHH...Play putty!

 

THE DONKEY KONG BLUES

Just yesterday I went to the arcade
I knew that 100,000 I had it made
but I looked and it just wasn't there
and I knew I had to care
cuz I got the Donkey Kong blues, yeah
I got the Donkey Kong blues

I gave my shoulders a shrug
I started to put a quarter in Dig Dug
But I knew I might not make it very high
So I thought I might even cry

So I put a quarter in Dig Dug
Then I found out it was a slug
Some other kid pressed the button with his finger he lay
Then he started to play

 

KURT BLUM'S PLAYING MY DRUMS

Kurt Blum's playing my drums
and I sure hope to hell he doesn't break 'em
He's playing some kind of "metal militia" beat
and I sure hope to hell he doesn't break 'em
you can't even hear our guitars,
cuz he's so loud

"Kurt, can't you lay down something that isn't quite as busy??"

 

YOU BETTER BE (OR YOU'RE GONNA BE)

I saw my friend on the street
he punched me
I said what the hell
he said you're looking well
he said forget the past
I said I'll kick your ass
he said he was sorry
well he's sorry now

You better be, or you're gonna be (2x)

Well yeah!

 

BLACKOUT (Black Flag Version)

I know a little...

 

HIGH SCHOOL COOKER'S CLUB THEME

High School Cookers, the chosen ones...
You will go far, you will find happiness
Inside your car, you will watch Happy Days

High School Cookers, the chosen ones
cooking in cookers, eating the sun
you will go far, you will find happiness
Inside your car, you will watch Happy Days

High School Cookers, the chosen ones
looking in lockers, meeting a nun
You will go far, you will find happiness
pouring your tar, you will watch Daffy Duck

High School Cookers, you are a club
eyes to the future, bub...

 

ODE TO A BAND (lyrics: Ellen Macdonald)

I hear you on the radio, I watch you on the TV
I hear about your concert that I wasn't allowed to go see
I wonder what you're doing now as I look at your picture on the wall
I'm sitting home alone, you're out somewhere having a ball

My dream is to someday meet you
although it might never come true

I've never seen your face, I've never seen it clear
I walk around in wonder of you
I walk around in fear

I'm gonna meet you someday
It's my dream, so there has to be a way...

 

A SPASM OF EMOTION

Do you hear my lonely voice calling your name
and I feel your pain and you feel my shame
Do you fear my lost eyes looking at you
and don't I know what the hell I'm gonna do

Can you see just how afraid I really am
Because what should be understood is what I can't understand
Can you free, can you free me from my mind
because if I could only understand who knows what I might find?

 

APPLEHEADS OF THE FAGGOT

Hey you faggot! You are an uncool weirdo! You just fart and crap! Why the hell were you put on earth? Damn you, you turd. You eat craggots and are a retard. Why do you act like such a jerk and schmuck? You are pissed off at me now, aren't you, you wimp? You asshole, I'm gonna kick your ass! You gay homosexual pervert, you eat the liver of a rat. My god, you have shit for brains you gimp. You suck you son of a bitch, you simp, bastard. I'm gonna hit you over the head with a salami, you pencil-neck geek. You are scum and slime you dirtbag. You are a total ignorant ignoramus you lint ball. You stupid and dumb stooge, you stink. Your mother has a beard, you gherkin. You bloodsucking freak, you commie. You maggot, you saw Ghandi 57 times, square. You paperag and coconuthead, you spit on a nun. You skunk and snake, your father eats kitty litter. You dippy whinny screwball dipstick, you are an insane chicken-picker-lickin-stick. You total wang and dorko, you lepfasa in a lingerberry tree, you bisker-baller, queer. You sludgy beef jerky. You're a full-grown midget, you dehydrated bee-bee. You are a hippo, you nag, turk, bozo and idiot. You weird strange, you bought the Colgate pump. You chunky sludge-bag, you whiffen poof. You ate the last Oreo Cookies and Cream Sandwich. You're a flounder face.
But...I love you.

 

SODA JERK

He was a jerk, jerk, a soda jerk
he gave my soda with a smile
jerk, jerk, soda jerk
gonna cruise the miracle mile

he looked pretty dopey as he poured my Coke
he probably shook it up, it's his kind of joke

he did it like a bigshot, he looked kinda proud
he can pour a drink, and he can prove it to the crowd

well I've been ripped off by a Coke machine
and I've been ripped off by a human being

Jerk, jerk, soda jerk, man he's just a jerk
jerk, jerk, soda jerk, always tryin to get out of work

Me Chinese, me play joke
me put pee-pee in your Coke

 

23-SECOND MASTERPIECE

(this is an instrumental)

 

BONO BONO MONO (based on U2's "Desire"

Well I can't get one to equal one
but my poundcake sure weighs a ton
and if I get in a rut
I'm gonna pull a wire out of your butt

and if Sonny Bono gave Bono mono
It's be Bono Bono Mono (4x)

If U2 did a cover of "I Got You Babe"
Would it be a hit? Would critics rave?
and Cher and The Edge
could walk around town
Bang, bang she shot her baby down

Burnin', Burnin...Yessir!

I used to know a kid, named Bill Nagel
I guessed his name and I won a bagel
and if I cried 96 tears
I'm gonna try to drink John Beers
and if John Beers killed Tears For Fears
then I'd say, well alright!

 

BUN IN MOUTH BLUES

Oh I don't know where I"m going
I'm just standing around (repeat all)
My bun fell out of my mouth
it done hit the ground

Well I lost two teeth and I"m feeling pretty mean
I lost a couple of my own teeth and I'm feeling pretty mean
I lost them in a fight it was me and Bob against a big old submarine

Well I just about lost my patience
I'm gonna beat on the brat
I just about lost all my patience
I'm just gonna beat on the brat
Some redneck stole one of the gallons out of my 10 gallon hat --- Jam!

Johnny's in the basement, mixing up the medicine
I'm on the pavement thinking bout the government
the government, the government
oh yeah, oh yeah, nobody but me

 

TWO XTRA DOGS (writ: Dave Sisson)

Sittin' around, nothin' to do
wanna go out and buy some food
needta get someting good to dine
Ballpark franks will definitely be fine
throw them in the microwave
heat them dogs up
then I notice the buns
there's just not enough
a problem like this really drives me crazy
are hot dog people just too damn lazy?

Two xtra dogs, two xtra dogs
I got two xtra dogs, two xtra dogs
What's this world coming to?
I just don't know what to do
two xtra dogs

10 hotdogs, 8 buns
the whole hotdog's unity thing is like gone
what the hell am I supposed to do
I can't eat franks without buns, can you?
If I had a dog I could feed them to my pooch
but I have a cat and he's not that stupid
If we can send a man to the moon
how come the bun package doesn't have enough
room?

 

CORN IN TWO WEEKS (based on The Buzzcocks' "Orgasm Addict")

Well we threw some popcorn kernels
into the ground
then we came back later and
you know what we found

We'll have corn in two weeks (2x)

Growing in the backyard, sturdy and tall
hot +sweet peppers, but that ain't all

It's growing in the heat of the summer sun
I'm picking off rabbits with a BB gun

There's a sign on our house to let the neighborhood know
motorists can read the one on the telephone pole

We're making money on vegetables
ain't nature great?
We'll sell you three ears of corn for $4.98!
We didn't need assistance or fertilizer to grow it
This is tax free money for corn we don't eat don't you know it?

Some people don't wanna buy corn from the store
ours is from the garden just knock on our door

You better get here before it's all gone
be here in 2 weeks at the break of dawn

We're gonna sell it! (2x)
We'll have corn in 2 weeks!

 

STOP SPITTING IN THE RUG

Whenever you get mad you spit in the rug
Baybee, baybee, baybee, get a jug
it's really a mess, I must confess
I gotta get it cleaned, you know what I mean
and if you do it again, I'm gonna leave you

Stop spitting in the rug!
stop spitting in the rug!
I'm gonna be sitting on that rug
So stop spitting in the rug!

Why do you do it? So you're a little P.O.'ed
What's the matter this time
did I leave the seat up on the commode?
You say it's nothing but water
that's worse than our daughter
Don't do it no more, like I said before

I know I shouldn't be complaining
but the rug it needs a draining
just cuz you are pregnant, try not to be so bitchy!

 

PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE (co-writ: Steve Rose)

Stop fucking around with me (2x)
why won't you let me be?
why can't you let me live in peace?

Stop fucking around with me (3x)
what are you fucking around with me for?
Asshole!

Stop fucking with my mind
or I'll load this pistol this time
I'll aim it right at your head
We'll see who's fucking with who instead

 

ROCKY TOP (MANIC DEPRESSIVE VERSION)

I wish I was on old Rocky Top
down in the Tennesse hills
ain't no smoke or smog on Rocky Top
ain't no telephone bills

 

MY POOP IS GREEN

My poop is green
I think you know what I mean
My poop is green
It has to be believed to be seen

It's green, it's green, it's green (2x)
My poop is green

Don't flush it down yet
don't be upset
you might say, why is my poop green
I don't know, maybe I ate too many beans

My poop is green, my poop is green
my poop is greener than you ever seen
It's green, green, green, green, green, green, green
It's green, like mucus
Well is your mucus clear, or is your mucus green?
I don't know...
But my poop is green!

It's green, it's green, it's...

 

WALLOWING IN SELF PITY

I don't know what's wrong with me
but I know something's not right
I don't see why I should feel this way every night

But I know why, cuz when I try
I think about the problems I have
and then I sit and worry
and I start feeling bad
now it's making me mad

I feel like I'm too nice to people
and I get down on my knees
but I still feel like the mouse that gets killed
so the others can have the cheese

I want to be more easy-going
yeah I want to have some fun
everyone else thinks I do
but I know I'm having none

This has gone on long enough
but it goes on all the time
I don't want to hear your problems
I'm sure you don't wanna hear mine

 

MARVIN GAYE

I went to the bathroom today
and appeared to me the ghost of Marvin Gaye
and as he arose from the toilet bowl
he said, "I'm going to heaven with Nat King Cole"


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