KNOCK PEOPLE OVER

Knock people over, gonna knock people over (4x)

I'm walking up the street
I run down everyone I meet
I like to push people around
I like to keep a good man down

Each day I go out to run
I take people down just for fun
I don't care for anyone at all
I take a walk and they take a fall

I love knocking over innocent bystanders
why do I enjoy it? I have no answers...
Me and my friends knock over each other
then we go out and knock over your grandmother!

Knock people over!

 

YOU'RE WRONG

I climbed up a ladder
there's nothing that I'd rather do
I got to the roof
If I fall off you know I'll poop my pants

But you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong
Cuz you've only got 5 good men

I played Don't Spill The Beans
I think YOU know what I mean
I got lost in the pot, it's almost that much

I can't get channel two
You know I really wish I could
If I took off my antenna
you'd see that it was made of wood

 

PIZZA MAN

Pizza man follows destruction! Pizza man follows corruption! Screw the pizza man!

Pizza man, pizza man, waaaaaaaaaaahh!
Bringing pizza to my home!
You want a tip? Well fuck off!
You can't buy a car with a nickel!

 

MY HEAD'S ON FIRE

I never cared, but I worry
seems like you're in a hurry
wait a minute, what's the story?
Why is it my vision's blurry?

My head's on fire (4x)

I have a nightmare every night
I'm blinded by a blinding light
I meet Albert Einstien
he needs to borrow a dime

I ate my vegetables, I got to watch TV
I wish I hadn't eaten them, I wouldn't have to see

 

ASKING GOD FOR GUM

I often ask God for gum
I only wish he'd give me some
Bubble Yum, speariment, Juicy Fruit, Trident
I'll be good, I won't take your name in vain, I'll be nice to my friends
Gum gum, gummy gummy, yummy gummy gum, sticky gum

 

LOOKING FOR LIVE LEGEND (co-writ: Jason Catena)

What a drag it is getting old...

Scuttling through storm drains
climb descending stair
looking for live legend almost everywhere

striking out on foriegn paths, blinded by the dust
looking for live legend, no one left to trust

dream-like trances make it real
searching for the light
looking for live legend, life has he to fight

vain searchings for the hero, tranquility is lost
looking for live legend, our paths will never cross

One more day look for live legend
one more chance to make sure it's real...

 

CHEECH AND CHONG

Cheech and Chong are really cool dudes
but they seem to be always on ludes
they tell dirty jokes while snorting the cokes
and eating marijuana made foods

 

HARANGUE

Some dudes look cool in shades. If you're cruising in your automobile and you see a fire hydrant would you stop? I would just keep going, but I would count it. If it was late at night an-ha would you hit yourself over the head with a pillow or a salami? You can choose to do these things, but you have to have the ability. You could almost make a career of it, but you would be breaking the law. Did you ever stare at this white thing, except that it's not completely white, it's got some marks on it, not Mark Gramm, but completely white, for 2 or 3 hours and you fell asleep with your eyes open and when you woke up everything was white, like and apple or like Jimi's hair or a hamburger or the blood coming out of your parents when you gouged them with a fireplace poker? Did you ever walk the streets at night spitting on elderly people? Did you ever want to tackle a fire hydrant and did it ever actually hurt? Did you ever make a wig for a light bulb? What is truth, what is justice, what is the American way? Where is the grass greener (on what side of the fence? Answer these questions for $12.95 from Selshow and Rider (easy).

 

SHIT EATING GRIN

Look at that shit eating grin on your face
you don't seem to have any friends and no one's on your case
I see it whenever you look at me
You look like the cat that just ate the canary

You'll take any dare you'll take any bet
but when you lose you seem upset
did you think you could eat 15 pies?
When you walk through doors people yell "Surprise, surprise"

You've got that shit eating grin (2x)
why can't you ever win?

You're not always right but you're never wrong
you try and try but you'll never be good at ping pong
you like to see people you think they're fun
but you've got to learn not to trust everyone

 

I'M A GUITAR

EEEEEEE-YAAAAA-YOW!
woaahhhhhhhhh!
They call me a guitar, I don't know why
They call me a guitar, I don't know why
Maybe it's cuz my strings are so tight
YOW!

I'm a guitar and I don't know why
but if I find out I'm gonna go to the sky
Yow!

I even look like a guitar, I got a neck!

Yeah!

 

FORCED FOOD DELIVERIES

Forced food deliveries, they take all my groceries
why can't they leave me alone?

Forced food deliveries, they've taken my groceries
I wish that they'd leave me alone

Forced food deliveries
they pray with their rosaries
I never seem to get off the phone

 

SPAGHETTI WESTERN

This town ain't big enough for the both of us, Tex read. Meet me at high noon on boot hill, signed, Dastardly Dick. Tex was horrified. The note was for him. Tex had been the sherrif for three weeks now and he never had this problem before. Suddenly someone wanted to kill him. He looked at his swatch and saw that he had 10 minutes until high noon. He picked up his holster and put on his hat. He went outside the pub and saddled up on his horse, Marlon. He rode up to boot hill slowly, looking at his swatch frequently. He now had two minutes and was nearing boot hill. He got off his horse and walked up the hill. Suddenly, a group of Indians jumped on him and took his hat. The first Indian passed it to the second, who vomited into it. The second then placed it on Tex's head. Tex got back up and walked up to the top of the hill. There was Dastardly Dick. Tex said, "Sorry I'm late, but I had to wait for an Indian to puke". Dick nodded, and they began inching toward each other, with their hand near their holsters. They were now 20 feet apart. Closer yet they went until they were 5 feet apart. Tex reached into his holster, but Dick reached into his first. Tex felt the salami hit him hard. Tex pulled out a chocolate bar and tried to shove it into Dick's chest, but Dick responded with a jar of peanut butter. The chocolate bar lurched forward into the peanut butter. Tex said, "Hey your peanut butter sunk my chocolate". Dick replied, "Your chocolate went in my peanut butter". They tasted it. "Delicious!", they both exclaimed. Dick said, "What should we call it?" Tex said, "How about chocolate and peanut butter?" Dick replied, "No not commercial enough. Let's call it a Resses Peanut Butter Cup". Tex replied, "what are you crazee? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!" Dick immediately shot and killed him with a Twinkie bazooka.

 

MESSED UP AND STUPID

I saw you leanin' on your car
looks like the gumband left a scar
I put myself in jail, I wonder what's the bail
Looks like I won't get very far

We tried to spend just one day
We walked alone, then we walked away
this feels like a drama, this ain't no instant karma
If I'm gonna watch I'm gonna pay

Sometimes I wonder if it was fate
Sometimes I think I won't survive the wait
Did you just sigh from grief, or was it a sigh of relief
the hours seem to pass just like the plate

 

BRONCHITIS

An instrumental, featuring coughing.

 

YOUR FACE

Your face, it's looking ugly now
Your face, it's looking bad

 

BLACKOUT (EXTENDED VERSION)

I know a little...

 

HACKEY SACK RAP

Cackle cackle hey a cackle hackle jackel
Well I play hack and jacks but I'm the champ of Hackey sack
I'm not Hirax I"m not Anthrax, but for a fact I rock with a triple whack attack
I go to Rax, I can't get a Big Mac, I can't get a Jumbo Jack so I go on home and make myself a snack
A duck says quack, a yak says brak
but I say I'm the champ of Hackey Sack

I'm not black but I can rap and I don't lack the knack to play hackey sack
I cracked Jack on the back with my Hackey sack
A swack-cack-brack-a-lack-a-chack-a-lack-a-wack
Well I'm the champ of Hackey Sack
My mother she's the mother of Hackey Sack
My brother he's the brother of Hackey Sack
My father he's the father of Hackey Sack
My grandfather's the grandfather of Hackey Sack
My great grandfather's the great grandfather of Hackey Sack
My great great grandfather's the great great grandfather of Hackey Sack
My great great great grandfather's the great great great grandfather of Hackey Sack
But I'm the champ of Hackey Sack

 

EIGHTH GRADER HANGS HIMSELF

this is an instrumental.

 

THIS IS MY LOCKER

It's 7:30 in the morning it's another bad day
I came on the bus and I slept on the way
I feel like shit and I got a bitching cold
My lunch is soggy and covered with mold

I make my way to the lobby
to the mulit-colored lockers in rows
I get to mine: C-112
I open it up and blow my nose

This is my locker, this is my locker
I open it and books fall out
This is my locker and everyone's here
but where the hell is Chris Hout?

I ask my locker questions
it's full of information
I got an excuse when I'm late to class
"I forgot the combination..."

This is my locker, this is my locker
I open it with pride
when I want to cut class
I just climb inside, oy, zzzssa, play it!

 

IT'S A CHOICE (lyrics: Brandon Ritchie)

Take who you want, they're all your friends
Your bullshit values have no ends
Too stuck on yourself to take a chance
Wanna impale your body on a lance

So it's a choice it's up to you
it's a choice of what you wanna do
One voice - says what goes
brown nosing bitch - everyone knows

You know who's what before they're them
every heard of a group called the Violent Femmes
They made some cash - they're different
but it doesn't matter who when you're the coefficient

You see what I say I say you're wrong
don't wanna spill my guts for your bullshit song
Don't break off try to go along
End up a wasted case, who's Ilan Fong?

 

THE DAY I GOT MY GUITAR

A little piece of "weird paul-verite" - a recording of the first time I played my first electric guitar. I won't bother transcribing this. Ha!

 

BACKYARD BAR-B-Q DOWNTOWN (lyrics: Mark Gramm)

Hard pavement under my feet
Let's go outside and cook some meat
Yeah I'm never seen with a frown
I'm having a backyard Bar-B-Q downtown

An old tired bum came up to me
he asked me for a side of beef
yeah I'm never seen with a frown
I'm having a backyard Bar-B-Q downtown

I was seen sad with a frown
all my friends said what's going down?
I was seen sad and quite jarred
because I don't have a backyard

 

CALL PAUL

Call Paul, Stuebenville construction
Call Paul 283-3646
You want the best you gotta call the best
Call Paul he's the one to call

 

MONSTER MAN TATTOOS

I like my Monster Man Tattoos
I like them em a lot
I wanna put em on my hands and my feet
ain't they sweet? I know, it's so

Give me my Monster Man Tattoos now (3x)
I want them back, give me them now!

Monster Man Tattoos
I got them out of a box of...loafers

 

NACHO SIN CASA

This is a little Spanish song
It's called "Nacho Sin Casa"
Which, literally translated means
"Nacho without a house"

Nacho sin casa, Nacho without a house (2x)
La-la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
I am stuck to me amigo bambito
Nacho sin casa cochise

 

THE LIBRARY IS MEAN (lyrics: Sheila Petroskey)

Hey, the library is mean
I was walking by the shelves
and a sign said be quiet
then I was walking up the stairs
and a sign said quiet
I went to the library bathroom
and there was a sign that said, "QUIET!"

 

MIKE BRADY SONG (lyrics: Mark Gramm)

I want hair that curls, I want to adopt 3 girls
I want 3 boys of my own, I want to live in a nice home
I want to be Mike Brady

I want a blonde headed spouse
I want a woman to clean my house
I wanna know a butcher named Sam
So's I can get lots of free ham
I want to be Mike Brady

I wanna be an architect
I wanna build with lots of effect
I wanna dog named tiger
I want kids who won't be liars
I want to be Mike Brady

I wanna drive the family car
I want a driveway made of tar
I wanna yard of turf
I wanna boy who surfs, baybee on surfboard

 

YOU'RE A BUM

You're a bum (2x)

I sit in the gutter, I've got no money
I eat from the trashcan, my nose is runny

Got no family, I never take a shower
don't have a job, I've been a bum for an hour!

 

SCHOOL

I hate it here, I have no friends
The friends I have, I hate

 

SAM BAIN (lyrics: Drew Falsetti)

Well I know a nice guy
when I pass I say Hi
Well he doesn't do drugs
but he likes to eat slugs

he's alright, he's alright, he's alright, Sam Bain

Saw him on the street
looking down at his feet
I said what is wrong Sam
he said, I want green eggs and ham

Woo! Sammy Bain!
We love you Sam...

 

BREAKING BASS GUITAR/DUDE

You broke my bass!

I was so nervous, it's the largest crowd we've had
I took a wrong step, I felt pretty bad
I stepped on my bass guitar
I stepped on my bass guitar
I wanted to be a star
they think we blew our chance

They used to hate us, they tried to throw us out
now they drove for miles to see what we're about

It's a good thing I had crazy glue or we wouldn't have got the contract

Dude.

 

LET ME SEE THAT KNIFE

Let me see that knife, when you're done with it
let me see that knife, when you're done with it
Let me see that knife, I want to kill myself

I don't get along with anybody
I don't get along with any one
I don't get along with anybody I know

I feel totally incoherent, I feel totally incongruent
I feel totally incomprehensive

What exactly is wrong with me?
Everybody expects so much
I make one mistake and now my name is mud

Hey, some asshole killed himself.


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