STAIN STICK

I use the stain stick all the time it's only two or three bucks
Stain stick
I never buy anything else cuz everything else sucks
Stain stick
You know what I mean
If it's gots to get clean, just reach for that stain stick

I use the stain stick every day, I rub it right on the mud
Stain stick
It also works great on stains such as dirt, grass and blood
Stain stick
It's got super power
I use it when I shower, so wash me with the stain stick
Wash me baybee!

I'll buy every one that they got when I go to the store
Stain stick
I'll get every one that they got til there ain't any more
Stain stick
I'll never run out
I just wanna shout, I stocked up on the stain stick

Lay offa my stain stick
You are such a daft prick
Gimme back me stain stick!
Stain stick

 

CHILD-BEATING BASTARD

Child-Beating Bastard, Child-Beating Bastard
Child-Beating Bastard, Child-Beating Bastard
Child-Beating, Child-Beating,
Child-Beating Bastard

 

BEINHAUER MORTUARY

I don't wanna be in Beinhauer Mortuary
Cause that's where all the dead people are (2x)

I don't wanna be in Beinhauer Mortuary
Cause that's where they keep all the stiffs (2x)

I'm alive as can be, I'm alive can't you see (4x)

 

GIVE ME STRENGTH

Give me strength, give me strength, give me strength to make it through another day (2x)

Why is it happiness just can't last?
Why is the present just like the past?
Cuz it's the same old crap on Monday
It's the same old crap in May
and when I wake up each morning, the first thing that I say is: (chorus)

Why does the weight of life lie heavy on me?
Why can't my dreams at night be my reality?
Cuz when I wake up in the morning and I know it's not a dream
And when I remember where I am it makes me wanna scream: (chorus)

Cuz if I had that strength then I could surely cope
Cuz if I had that strength then I would not give up hope

 

BOOTLEG PRICE PROTEST SONG (writ: Jim Thomas)

I went down to Eide's to buy some records
I saw a Misfits bootleg more than I could afford

Why do bootlegs cost twenty bucks?
That's too damn much, it really sucks

What the fuck are you doing here
if you don't know this song?
When a bootleg costs twenty bucks
You know that something is really wrong

The Misfits live at Max's Kansas City
I won't buy a record for twenty bucks!
Greg Eide must think I'm ROLLIN' in dough
What's with these prices? What the fuck?

The Misfits walk among the dead
You know the Misfits FUCKING RULE!!!
These fiend club bootlegs cost too much
Damn, these prices are so uncool

Why do bootlegs cost twenty bucks?
That's too damn much, what the fuck?

 

CHANGE MY CLOTHES AND BRUSH MY TEETH

When things don't seem so good
They don't seem like they oughta should
That's when I feel bad

When life has got me down
I just can't seem to turn around
From things that make me sad

I won't let tears get in my way
I'll save them for another day
cause I've got to carry on

I'll change my clothes and brush my teeth
I'll change my clothes and brush my teeth
That's just the way I spell relief
I'll change my clothes and brush my teeth

When I feel all joy is dead
I feel just like I wet my bed
I feel like I've been jinxed

When I'm hurt by circumstance
I feel just like I've pooped my pants
and man, it really stinks

I won't let trouble be my guest
I'll start to clean up the mess
Cause life is like a mop

 

WE LOVE COMPUTERS

Computers make me crazee, make me feel so mean
Sometimes it's hard to believe that it's just a machine
My TRS-80's better than your VIC-20!
Cause you've gotta use cassettes instead of a floppy

We love computers (3x)

Computers make me wild, yeah they make me lose control
If that's some kind of crime, then put me on parole
You're probably gonna tell me I'm a loser or a dork!
But let's see you make it all the way through Zorkô

Sometimes computers scare me, yeah they fill me with terror
Cause when I press "Return", I get a syntax error
I'm gonna program this thing to print my name 20 times
I'll only have to type about 200 lines

 

SWEAR WORD PEOPLE

Swear word people
Pushing me down, down to the ground
Pushing me down (2x)

I'm glad to see you have compassion
now that it's suddenly in fashion
the act of being against is more than just a dental rinse

Look at all the pieces of carnival
how could that be so harmful?
Acting so paranoid is irritating like a hemmorhoid

I can't believe what they told you
I can't believe that it sold you
I can't believe that eating the crust will put hair on my chest

Anytime you don't know the reason why
Everytime you always say you hear a lie
When my Uncle Sam picks up the tab, he drinks the whole thing

 

IN POSSESSION OF MY POOP

I'm in possession of my poop, baybee!
I'm in possession of my poop, baybee!
I'm in possession of my poop, baybee,
and I don't mean maybe

Don't shit on nature
Cause nature's not to blame
Don't shit on nature
and don't shit on Varoshi Fame

 

SHHH...IT WAS A BRATWURST

We were out back, using the grill
we did not know a bratwurst could kill

Shhh, it was a bratwurst (2x)

It got too burnt, we had to dispose
But where it would land, nobody knows
but when it hit, it made a big bang
so up from her chair the old woman sprang
Feeling afraid, she peered through the door
knocking her oxygen tank to the floor

She could not tell what made the sound
but then she fell down to the ground
without her air she breathed her last breath
not knowing what sound she heard before death

Shhh...

 

I'M SEEING DOGS NOW

I'm seeing dogs now
how very odd
I'm seeing dogs now
how very odd

I'm seeing dogs that aren't even there
but that's ok, see if I care

I'm seeing dogs that just should't be
the best things in life are fantasy

 

HERE COMES MY HEART (writ: Paul Caporino)

Here comes my heart
Here comes my heart
it's got nowhere, nowhere to go

Love's nowhere 'round
Love's nowhere 'round
I've got nothing, nothing to show

Show me the way, show me the way
Show me the way back home

 

ME, LET'S HOPE I MAKE IT

Up in the sky, the clouds passing by
there's a gentle breeze in the air
I'm still alive, there's tears in my eyes
are they from happiness or despair?

It's been a long time, baybee
but this time I'm gonna say

Me, let's hope I make it
Me, let's hope I make it
Me, let's hope I make it
With a little help from you

I can't deny, I gave it a try
Only to find that I had failed
it broke my heart, I'm back to the start
It's like a mountain that can't be scaled

 

DO IT, DAMNIT

Come on baybee, c'mon
to get off you gotta get it on (2x)

and all I wanna do, all I wanna do
is do it, damnit

Get down baybee, get down
now it's time to go to town (2x)

Start the action, start the action
start the action now (2x)
Start it!

 

GRANDMA GAVE IT TO ME

Grandma gave it to me (4x)

What did grandma give me
What didn't grandma give me
ah, ah grandma gave it to me

Grandma never told me to keep my mouth shut
Grandma always said we can discuss it all you want

Grandma told it to me (4x)

What did grandma tell me
what didn't grandma tell me
ah, ah grandma told it to me

 

THE SECRET OF THE MUMMY

Beware the beat of the cloth-wrapped feet!
Terror from the year 1500 B.C.
The guy who saw it could barely talk!
All he would say is, "He went for a little walk"

The Mummy's on the loose and he's dancing with the devil
Comes from a tomb that's way below sea level
Ya see him coming better look out sista
There ain't no runnin' better call him mista!

Buried fury from the depths of doom
1,000 terrors lurk within it's tomb
If the mummy is a daddy there'll be nowhere to run
there'll be double mummy trouble if he has a son

The dawn of the mummy is the dawn of the dead
Wrapped up in bandages from his feet to his head
Shoot it with a gun, stab it with a knive
How do you kill something that ain't alive?

"He went for a little walk"

 

COOPER'S FARM

We're in the barns now, we're smoking all our blunts
The barn is big there's lots of room for all me blunts
We're on our butts we're watching Top of the Pops
We're on the dole now, we have sooo many blunts
We'll pack a bowl now, we have four-hundred and eighty-five blunts!

Cheech and Chong are every chap's heroes
We smoke our blunts and I fancy a packet of Fritos

Please turn down that Dudley Moore movie
Just smoke a blunt, yeah the blokes are feeling groovy
We'll play some T-ball as we smoke up all our blunts
We don't have room for skee-ball and our blunts!

 

COMPROMISING POSITION

Well I got you right where I want you
and you got nothing on me (2x)

I know this much is true
right now it sucks to be you

I got you in a compromising position
just like your physician
got you in a compromising position

Hey hey hey, yeah (2x)

Don't pretend you can't hear me
that's right, I'm talkin' to you (2x)

So welcome to the human race
now get the fuck out of my face

 

YOU'RE THE LITTLE ONE

You're the little one who doesn't like me (3x)
hide behind the couch (2x)

Little bitty one why must you fight me
Little pretty one, just to spite me
You're the little one who doesn't like me

Acting like a mouse (2x)

Why do you act so afraid when you've got nothing to fear
I don't want to see you crying, so don't show me your tears
How can you let anyone love you
when you won't let anyone near?

 

LINING THE NUMBERS UP

You're not lining the numbers up right when you add them (2x)

That's why you'll never get the right answer (2x)

 

THE ELECTRIC CHAIR

Everytime you approach me it's with apathy
Everytime I catch your eye it's like you're slapping me
Everytime I speak your name it's like I'm saying goodbye
Everytime you look my way I want to curl up and die

Please don't hurt me (4x)

I know what it feels like to be in the electric chair (2x)
Cause my baybee don't care

Everytime I lose you favor I feel it start to begin
Everytime you break my heart it's like you're strapping me in
Everytime you walk away it's like you're throwing the switch
Everytime I feel the hurt it's like I'm starting to twitch
Please don't -

'lectrocute me (4x)

I know what it feels like to be in the electric chair (2x)
Cause my baybee don't care
It's like I'm not even there!

 

I'M STILL BEHIND LASAGNA

And I'm still behind lasanga
Lasagna's in front of me
but I'm still behind lasanga
that's where I'll be


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