PLEASE DON'T BREAK MY ATARI

Please don't break my Atari or you're gonna be sorry (2x)

I've had my Atari for quite a bit
I still have the original Combat game that came with it
The TV/Computer switch has a loose wire
but just jiggle it a little bit and we can still play Dragonfire
I don't like to brag about my past
but I scored 890,000 points on Laser Blast
Don't let my effort be in vain (2x)

I know you were just 5 points from your high score but please put down my system now cuz I won't take any more
Don't do anything that you'll regret
Don't step on my joystick cuz then I won't have a set
My Pac-man cartridge might not be new
But my Mom paid 50 bucks for that way back in 1982
I don't wanna see it get smashed (2x)

If you break my Atari then you break my heart (2x)
Git down!!!!!!!

Yars' Revenge is new for Atari; have you played Atari today?

 

YOUR FAVORITE GUM

Let's have some of your favorite gum (3x)
Let's have it; let's grab it! And let's chew it!

I said chew it. Don't swallow it! Just follow the leader and chew it!

Your Favorite gum, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah!

 

ONE-WOMAN CRIME SPREE

You gestured - as if you had a gun
but in retrospect, I didn't see none
You had something pointing from under your shirt
You said, "Just hold still - it won't even hurt".

You stole my heart, and now you've ripped it apart
With everything you're doing to me -

You're on a one-woman crime spree! (4x)

I couldn't - have run away if I dared
I think I was - too much in shock to be scared
I wasn't able to run very far
I didn't see you get into a car
and I don't know how you got away!

 

WELL, YEAH

Well I don't know what she done to me
But now I know I'm who I wanna be
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Well Yeah - Hell Yeah
Well Yeah - Hell Yeah
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Well Alright!

Well somebody says, "Paul, how the hell are ya?"
and I say, "Well, I'm pretty damn good"
I feel a little better now
I know why but I don't know how

 

PRETTY GIRLS DON'T PERSPIRE

I saw a pretty girl walking down the street
I saw a pretty girl, the kind I'd like to meet
Well I thought that she was wet
but it was just a moist towelette
and pretty girls don't perspire
GO!

I saw a pretty girl walking down the road
I saw a pretty girl I'd like to say I knowed
Well I thought that she was oozing
but it was just her sponge suffusing
and pretty girls don't perspire

uh-uh-uh-uh-uh
well a-no-no-no
no they don't perspire
HIT ME!

 

HAVE A GOOD FUNERAL, MY FRIEND

Quick on the Trigger, fast on the draw
This old dusty town ain't big enough for them all
Only one of them is gonna walk away today
You don't have to worry, cuz he's gonna pay
Not with his life but for your burial day
Only one of them is gonna walk away today

Have a good funeral, my friend
Death is one thing on which you can depend
One day it will be over, but until then
Have a good funeral my friend

3 men after the bounty on a wanted man's hide
Too bad that's not something that they can divide
Only one of them is gonna live to tell the tale
So draw out your pistol and take your last breath
He's the one they call the angel of death
Only one of them is gonna live to tell the tale

This is a land with no one to trust
He does what he has to, he does what he must
All for a few dollars more
He's drowned in the rain, he's baked in the sun
He's taken on an army with a gatlin gun
All for a few dollars more

 

SPADER'S BIKE IS TWISTED

Meet Morgan Hiller, He's always been a rebel
This is where reputations are earned
Now he's about to become a hero
This is where reputations are earned

Spader's Bike is Twisted
On Tuff Turf he's existed everyday
Spader's Bike is Twisted
And now he's insisted that you pay

Respect is earned, just like reputations
get the hell out of his way
There are some that will never respect you
get the hell out of his way

Spader's bike is Twisted
on Tuff Turf he's existed everyday
Spader's bike is Twisted
and now he's two-fisted all the way

Stand up for what is right
Believe in for what you fight
And nothing's gonna stop you now...

 

MAN OBSESSED [writ: Daniel Johnston]

He's a man obsessed
he couldn't be a lover so now he's a pest
He played the game, but he failed the test
He's a man obsessed, he's a pest

The only way you could get her to look at you is to die - why don't you die (2x)

 

I WASTED MY MASTERBALL ON FREAKIN' GOLDEEN

This one's for all of the peeps -
The Puerto Rics, the Arab Sheiks, the Meditereanan Greeks and the Indian Chiefs -
But most of all, the Pokemon freaks!

(girl talking about freaks)

When I first caught Pikachu
I said, "Hey let me take a peek at you"
I had another problem solved
Whenever my magikarp evolved
Everyone had to eat, drink and be merry
The time when I finally caught Clefairy
I felt just like Vinnie Barbarino
When I got ahold on Nindorino
The Pokemaniac called me a queen!
When I...
Wasted my masterball on freakin' Goldeen!

I still remember listening to Zamfir
when I finally got my hands on Pincir
I was totally scoffing and sneezing
When I saw I had Koffing and Wheezing
The next time that I turned on the TV
Right away I got a grab on Eevee
It was much like finding a pearl in an oyster
Right in the game I saw I had Cloyster
But I can't believe what I just seen!
I wasted my masterball on freakin' Goldeen!

I gotta catch em all, from first to lastly
and now I'm after that dream-eater Ghastly
What's good for the goose is good for the gander
So what's good for Charmeleon is good for Charmander
Squirtle, Wartortle and Jigglypuff
Doduo, Dodrio and Wigglytuff
Omanyte, Dragonyte, Caterpie
Mewtwo, Sandshrew and Hitmonlee
Slowbro, Spearow and Porygon
Machop, Machoke and Rhydon
Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam
Magmar, Omastar and Hitmonchan!
I wrote this song using a magazine!
I wasted my Masterball on freakin' Goldeen!

Now, all I have to do is teach Eggsecutor Megabrain, and then everything will be good!

 

MEET JOHN DOE [lyrics: Sheila Petroskey]

Meet John Doe, that's all I know
Do you know where I read this?
It was on a tape! Oh whippy ding do!
Aaaaaaaaaaaooooooo!
I wish John Doe would get into shape, shape, shape
I don't even know anything about John Doe
But I want him to get into shape anyway
Why would someone have the last name Doe?
I don't know!
Are they gonna make pizza out of him?
AaaaaaaaaaaaoooooOOOOOO!
Meet John Doe cuz I don't wanna meet (4x)
Meet John Doe!

 

AM I ONLY SLEEPING?

The sink's full of dishes
My head's full of beans
The tank's full of fishes
that cannot be seen
The peace corps is flying
Over my bed
Am I only Sleeping?
Am I only Dead?

Some of this is real and some of this is only what I feel

The ceiling's malicious
the prognosis is poor
I'm feeling suspicious
Of the walls and the floor
My helpful helper is holding my head
Am I only Sleeping?
Am I only dead?

 

THESE BROWNIES SUCK!

These Brownies Suck! (3x)

and I really don't care if you don't like me anymore

I never had brownies that tasted so much like shit
I never had brownies that looked so much like it

And if I can't say something nice
I'll just tell it like it is

I never saw brownies that made me gag at first sight
No I never had brownies that I spit out on first bite


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