S & M JEN

S & M Jen won't you do it again
do it again, S & M Jen
S & M Jen won't you do it again
do it again, S & M Jen, uh-huh!

Jen I will stay for more than 10 years (2x)

 

HALLOWEEN NIGHT

You were bartending and wearing your grandmother's ring. I was the really ugly cheerleader and I wish I could see you again.

 

thanks to Christy Carmody for the great illustrations for this tape!

 

DON'T WASTE YOUR ENERGY

When the sun sets that day is done
That's 24 hours that you'll never get back
Stop putting off what you need to do
You're always talking but you never act
and if you need help making your decisions
I can make one for you now
You can save us both a lot of trouble
and I can tell you how

Don't waste your energy
You know you want me want me want me

Make every moment magical
Time is ticking, heaven knows
What you're doing, it can wait
Cuz I'm gonna curl your toes
and everyone has their own agenda
and my agenda is you
So drop everything and get over here
cuz there's nothing more important to do

You deserve the best the world has to offer
and that's me
even machines costing hundreds of dollars
can't offer you as much
and if you don't understand what I'm saying
there's a dictionary on the floor by your feet

 

MY CAT EATS MOTHS

My cat eats moths for dinner (3x)
and he doesn't even use any salt

He says pass the A-1 Moth Sauce (4x)

and now he weighs about 20 pounds!

Big glob of cat, big glob of cat, big glob of cat
Ain't he gettin' fat (4x)

Oh my!

 


 

ALL YOU DO IS EAT

FIrst you ate a whole bag of fritos
and topped it off with a bunch of Cheetos
You had an order of shish-ka-bobs
followed by a half a dozen gobs
then you had a substantial piece of cheesesteak
followed by another piece of cheesecake
you're the one they didn't want to meet
when they said you get all you can eat

All you do is eat (4x)

Stop eating! (2x)

When they asked if you wanted soup or salad
You said, "Yeah, I'll have the super salad!"
Then you left and ate a box of cookies
3 Snickers, 5 Clark bars and a bunch of chookies
little batatas from the can
2 loaves of bread and a jar of jam
12 assorted cheeses including guda and brie
then you said, "Let's go to KFC!"

 


 

IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL BODY, WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Would you wrap your arms around me?
Would you make everything all right?

Oh yeah, oh yeah, would you hold it against me?
(2x)

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Would you call me an asshole?
Would you sue me for harassment?

Or would you hold it against me? Or would you hold it against me?

 

THE EXPANDING TRAY

The expanding tray!
Bigger and bigger and larger and larger... (2x)

It's flimsy and awkward
your ice cream fell on the floor
Get used to it!
Less is more...less is more!

You're gonna like what you see...get used to me
You're gonna like what you see, now get used to me

 

LOWER CASE n (as heard on Sesame Street)

In an old and far off place
there was a lower case n
Lonely and cold he would stare off into space
and he was known to cry now and then

Lower case n, standing on the hill
the wind is very still for the lower case n

Then one day, a rocketship came racing from the sky
It landed on the hill and it opened up a door and something started coming outside

Lower case n - he's not lonely anymore
Standing on the hill - there are 2 that stand for sure
The wind is very still for the lower case n

 

TURN MY BRAIN OFF

Brain off, turn my brain off
I don't want to think about it (2x)

Even though I'm never gonna like it
Even so I'll live it til I die (2x)

I lost my best friend, I lost my worst enemy (2x)

 

RIVER OF NO RETURN (theme from the movie, by Lionel Newman)

There is a river, called the river of no return
Sometimes it's peaceful & sometimes wild & free
Love is a traveller on the river of no return
Swept on forever to be lost in stormy seas

Well-a-ree, I can hear the river call
where that roaring water falls
Well-a-ree, I can hear my lover call, come to me

I lost my love on the river
and forever my life will yearn
gone, gone forever, on the river of no return
Well-a-ree, well-a-ree
she'll never return to me

 

LEAVE ME ALONE, DO IT YOURSELF AND BUZZ OFF

There are times when I cleariy don't care
there are times when I really can't bear
to have to deal with your petty problem
and be the one who has to solve 'em

I don't give a damn, I clearly don't care, oh no
So leave me alone do it yourself and buzz off

So don't complain, cuz it falls on deaf ears
I will pretend that I cannot hear
Go somewhere else if you need some help
or better yet, just do it yourself

 

TRY THE CHRISTMAS DRINK!

C'mon baybee! Try the Christmas drink! (2x)

Well it's a drink you only have once a year
So c'mon baybee and make with the holiday cheer

Well can't you see I'm waiting for goodness sake
Baybee c'mon cuz it tastes just like a milkshake!

Well Y'oughta have a sign on your forehead that says "Bah humbug!"
So c'mon baybee and get with the chug-a-lug!

Whoo!

 

LOW END OF THE CAKE

I'm really poor, but I love cake
I gotta have some, for goodness' sake
I gotta get some, right now
I gotta have some, I don't care how

It's gotta be cheap, the price can't be steep
I want the low end of the cake

Happy Birthday to me
It ain't my birthday, and cake ain't free
I need a reason to spend this dough
and cake is where all my money go

I'll buy it day old, as long as there's no mold
I want the low end of the cake

 

MY MIDGET MAKES ME MAD

My midget makes me mad
my midget makes me mad
oh I hate it so bad
when my midget makes me mad

Cuz he, won't wash my car and he won't walk my dog
and he's always lying 'round just like a bump on a log

Cuz he, smashes my grapes, and he tickles my feet
and he always leaves my breakfast lying out in the street

Well I suppose that he still must want revenge for the time when I told him that I saw him in THE WIZARD OF OZ

Cuz he, drinks my juice box, and he wears a disguise
Cuz he thinks then I won't know who ate my microwave fries

Well I suppose that he still must be upset from the time when I asked him how the weather was down there

Well he sit there and he fidget and he don't do a smidget what he should (2x)

Hey there midget! Quit watching Gidget!
And get up and get out there and go use that widget!

 

BED-IN-A-BAG

Now's a time when you'll find anything you need
But there was once a time that did precede
Upon a time across the land
Everything was done by hand
but we don't chop trees and we don't make shoes
but we can put a bed in a bag!

They ride stationary bikes and think they're GI Joe
They write the short stories and think they're Edgar Allen Poe
They can make the grapes taste graper
Now they make menthol toilet paper
Yeah we can put a man on the moon
and we can put a bed in a bag!

Things are specially designed for use
so it should be simple to deduce
if we can put a man in the shoes...
Then we can put a bed in a bag!

 

NOSTALGIA MADE ME SHED A TEAR

Last week I decided to take a shortcut to my home
Now having walked that way, I"m feeling all alone
Cuz it made me remember how I was feeling last November

And nostalgia made me shed a tear
As I walked down your street for the first time in a year
Nostalgia made me shed a tear

I got this freaky feeling from a place I used to know
and now I still got it, no matter where I go
and my eyes started to burn
with a yearning that I yearned

So I tell myself
you can never go back, so stop living in the past
get your flag up out there and stop flying it at half mast

 

BLUE DENIM

He's gonna steal his father's money, steal his father's money, steal his father's money for his honey

It's so funnee! HAHAHAHA!

 

YOU'RE A JERK

1,2,3,4,5,6

YOU'RE A JERK!

 

NUDE FOR SATAN

Take off your clothes, take off your clothes, take off your clothes, come on and get naked! (2x)

Lascivious and lewd! Baybee when I'm nude -
I'm nude for satan!

so mote it be...

 

GREYHOUND BUS

The streamlined bus is higher and longer than most buses
Passengers look out of the big windows
They get a good view as the bus goes along

Greyhound bus! (4x)

The bus is air-conditioned
it is heated in cold weather
The bus rides smoothly
The seats are comfortable

The luggage is kept in the bottom of the bus
The bus will stop at stations along the way
Passengers may then get out and walk around
They may get something to eat

Rock over London, rock on Chicago!
Greyhound, you leave the driving to us!

 


 

HALF OF THE DAMNED

Did I make you unhappy?
That's what this is about
It's about feeling crappy
and living in doubt
After I got my own coffee
I didn't know what to drink
and no one could stop me
from throwing up in the sink

I'm half of the damned (2x)

I have so many regrets now
I guess I'm not any fun
Maybe I don't even know how
to tell the moon from the sun
Over a whole 5-day weekend
You never even said "Boo"
and now I'm feeling so weak and
I'm getting no strength from you

Will you forgive forgive me, will you forget forget me? Oh!

 

CHINESE GHOST STORY

It's a Chinese Ghost Story baybee (3x)
Well are you scared? Well listen to me...
I'll hold you in my arms and I'll show you that you just shouldn't be

Well it's a love story baybee
it's timeless and tragical too
I get a pain in my chestal area just thinking of you
it's Asian spirits
searching the world for true love
I've got my arm in your arm and baybee it fits like a glove

 

I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA CRY BUT I FEEL KIND OF HAPPY

If you said your love was gone
would I say I can't go on
I feel like I"m gonna cry but I feel kind of happy
If you said that you don't want me
Would you still be there to haunt me
I feel like I'm gonna cry, but I feel kind of happy

Cry baybee, cry, although I don't know why
I feel like I'm gonna cry, but I feel kind of happy

If you want to desert me
it's for sure that you will hurt me
I feel like I'm gonna cry but I feel kind of happy
If you said that you don't need me
Maybe you have only freed me
I feel like I'm gonna cry but I feel kind of happy

When you tell me you will leave me
I will tell you to believe me
I'll feel like I'm gonna cry but I'll feel kind of happy

 

THE CHEAP DETECTIVE

Peter Falk flushed a dead man down the toilet.
Aaah (2x)

Fernando Lamas got the seat slammed on his hand.

 

ALL MY LOVE FOREVER

Forever is a very short time
forever is a very short time
It was over in the blink of an eye
It was over in the blink of an eye
and it was over, it was done
it was the end, it was empty


previous page
next page